Skip to content

Scene #15 – Exercising Fat and Fat Exercises

May 20, 2012

 

INT – Aubrey is on the wheel. Car slows. She pulls up next to a curb and throws a pair of binoculars to Chris.

>

Aubrey

If my sources are not wrong, they should be in this building.

>

Chris

So how are we going at it?

>

Aubrey

Let’s scout the premise.

>

Chris

Ok, lets go.

>

Chris motions to open the car door. Aubrey interjects, reaching over to hold him back.

>

Aubrey

Don’t move so fast. Eyes. We will use our eyes to pick up any salient information before we go through with our next course of action.

>

Chris

Uh, ok. Well it’s a brown building.

>

Aubrey

Ok. We are going to be looking at structural weaknesses. Windows, balconies, doors, areas where human atheistic overrule form or lack thereof.

>

Chris

Got it. Well let’s see windows, there is one,

>

Chris looks over to Aubrey for confirmation.

>

Aubrey

Good, that’s a structural weakness. Easier than concrete to break in, and when the sun bears true south the temperature will make opening windows a tempting option. Keeping counting. Go on.

>

Chris

Two

>

Chris looks over to Aubrey for confirmation.

>

Aubrey

Please.

>

Chris

(Confident)

Four, six, eight windows on the top row. And there are one, two…four rows, so we have thirty-six windows on one side.

>

Aubrey

Wait what? Four multiplied by eight is thirty-two.

>

Chris

Oh, right. Sorry.

>

Aubrey

Really? Four times eight?

>

Chris

Oh…you are totally right. You are like a calculator.

>

Aubrey

(Throws a  “Are You Kidding Me” look)

>

Chris

…right,  what I have been going through the past few days has been traumatizing. I am not good at math, I am an arts major.

I have –

>

Aubrey

Anyway, there are thirty-two windows plus a door in front of us and that door is presumably, the entrance to the building.

>

Chris

Right, do you want us to charge in and go like all like Rambo on them with your plasma shotguns and blast the shit out of them?

>

Aubrey

No. We are going to limit physical confrontation. My subordinates in that building? They are laborers. They are the laborers in my society. They are physically built for throwing, lifting, shoving, thrusting…things and other general labor work. I wouldn’t want to pick a fight with them. And if there is anything that they are good at, it is collecting, hoarding, and in case of defeat, tapping the bladders to discharge acid to spoil the collected goods as a necessary means to not benefit the enemy.

>

Chris

Uh, are you saying that they are going to piss on Tom if we beat them?

>

Aubrey

If it comforts you just a little, it’s involuntary.

>

Chris

No that didn’t help.

>

Aubrey

Anyway Chris, it’s impossible to best them in a strength competition. In fact I am not sure we are going to do that to anybody with your very delicious looking very squeezable juicy meat popsicle arms anyways.

>

Chris

Well I am not sorry I don’t fit the bill for as a perfect specimen. And I am sorry cheeseburgers contains too many calories for you to process.

>

Aubrey

Our cell metabolism is one quarter of humans. I follow a strict dietary routine to keep my body functioning optimally. And you know what is one of the galaxy’s greatest fascinations with humans? Human have a self-destructive streak, I mean, you ate eight cheeseburgers on our eight-hour ride here.

>

Chris

I told you I was storing food…in my stomach just in case we might have to go without food. You said so.

>

Aubrey

I just said it might be a good idea to eat up just in case the next road stop might be really far away.

>

Chris

Geez, well you could be more clear.

>

Aubrey

Ok, lets take a walk. Burn some calories. Good for both of us.

>

Chris

(Obnoxious eye roll)

Fine.

>

Cut to Scene #16

Scene #14 – Take your time, take your time, take your time

March 11, 2012

Scene #14 – INT – Slight Rain – Car

>

Aubrey is on the wheel and Chris is in passenger seat. Chris has a sick look on his face while Aubrey seems to be in the middle of a lecture.

>

Aubrey

There’re over two hundred types of Non-Earth organisms on Earth. Actually Earth’s been gaining reputation as a fantastic getaway spot. You might ask me, “why”? The answer is that it’s so easy to blend in. Humans’ senses are dominated by sight, so how do you trick a human’s senses and blend in?

>

Aubrey turns to look at Chris. Slowly, her irises turn a pale white, a vein pops on top of her forehead, and a hairy lump sprouts under her chin. Chris gasps and tries to look away, sweat pellets race down his face. However he can’t help but notice that the little lump was trembling as if it’s got a life on its own. Aubrey smiles. The lump gives birth to a third eye, quickly followed by a fourth and fifth eye.

>

Aubrey

All we have to do is refract and reflect light. Is this how you imagine aliens to look like?

>

Chris passes out.

>

Aubrey

Oh, boy.

>

[A few moments later]

>

Chris regains consciousness, springs back in his seat, his widened eyes staring at Aubrey in disbelief.

>

Aubrey

Oh chill out Chris, don’t act like you have just seen the ugliest, gruesome-est thing. Have you ever seen Jersey Shore? I have seen uglier humans!

>

Chris

Huh…can you switch back now?

>

Aubrey

Oh oops, silly, silly me.

  >

Aubrey leans into Chris.

>

Aubrey

Boo.

>

Chris faints.

>

Aubrey

Somebody should really help this boy.

>

[Some moments later]

>

Chris wakes up. He turns nervously to Aubrey.

>

Aubrey

Better now?

>

Aubrey’s appearance is reverted back to her original state.

>

Chris

You are back to looking like a human?

>

Aubrey

Oh stop it, and I don’t really look like that!

>

Chris

(confused)

Like what?

>

Aubrey

When I have five eyes on my chin? That was my pet, Fluffy! Ain’t he cute?

>

Chris

Sweet lamingtons… that thing was called Fluffy? Which part of it looked fluffy to you?

>

Aubrey

What are you talking about! He’s the cutest thing ever! I can’t believe you fainted, you are truly a wuss!

>

Chris

I am not going to debate. So you can transform to look like anything you want?

>

Aubrey

I didn’t ‘transform’. This little gadget bends and refracts light to change your visual perception of me. Back where I was from, these are toys for 7 year olds, can’t believe they’d be handy here.

>

Chris

Explain to me again why you, the princess of your alien planet decided to come to this planet?

>

Aubrey

To find the best mating partner for me.

>

Chris

I understand that part, but what I don’t understand is why of all 7 billion people on this planet, why Tom? I know the guy my whole life, hardly seems like a viable mating option for an alien princess. Wouldn’t you and your supercomputer machine pick out the guy with the best generic combo makeup on this planet? Like a guy with Einstein’s brains and Brad Pitt’s looks and Michael Jordan’s athleticism, a man’s man with a big epic glorious beard or something?

>

Aubrey

What this is about Chris, is the generic combination between person A and person B. There is a very exact science in picking out the optimal match in a given population for an individual. The human race is still very young and that’s why you are still relying on touch, feel, and what have you, to find partners. In fact, humans don’t even have a total grasp of the generic makeup of humans, you guys just lump it altogether and call it the “DNA”. Very raw.

>

Chris

Hm. Let me think about this one and I will get back to you.

>

Aubrey

4 hours to Hollywood, you take your time.

Cut to scene #15

Scene 13 – Storm Trooper

February 12, 2012

Scene 13 – Storm Trooper

EXT – Hollywood Boulevard – Sunny

>

We see a Storm Trooper on Hollywood Boulevard. A few tourist stops by to take pictures, the Storm trooper obliges until –

>

– the Storm Trooper spots two men dressed in black suits  running at his direction.

>

Storm Trooper

NOT YOU GUYS AGAIN!!

>

The Storm Trooper takes off and runs, taking the tourist by surprise. The two men push the tourists away rather necessarily, given the space to run around the frightened tourists. Nonetheless the two men continue their pursuit of the Storm Trooper. The Storm Trooper turns left into an alleyway and climbs over a fence.

>

Black Suit Men #1 nods to Black Suit Men #2 and couches down. Black Suit Men #2 steps on Black Suit Men #1’s back, leaps over the fence, and pins down the Storm Trooper.

>

Black Suit Men #2

Take us to Yoda!!

>

Storm Trooper

What are you guys talking about man! You guys are nuts! I am just trying to make a living here!

>

Black Suit Men #1

He still won’t tell us where Yoda is?

>

Storm Trooper

Asshole! Yoda is not real! I don’t know what you guys are talking about man!

>

Black Suit Man #2

You calling us ‘man’, we are not ‘man’.

>

Black Suit Man #1

Yes, we are not ‘man’. You are ‘man’.

>

 

Storm Trooper

Fine whatever! Just –

>

Black Suit Man #2

Resistance is futile.

>

Black Suit Man #1

That line is from Star Trek.

>

Black Suit Man #2

Oops, sorry.

>

We hear a vibrating sound. The two men get up.

>

Black Suit Man #2

We will come back tomorrow.

>

They run off.

>

Cut to Scene 14.

Scene #12 – Find Yoda, We Must.

January 24, 2012

EXT – Outside Café – Light Rain

>

Aubrey and Chris are walking side by side.

>

Aubrey

It’s raining.

>

Chris

So let me get this straight –

>

Aubrey and Chris pass by a park. We see a typical park in the background –children kicking a ball in the background and a man feeding pigeons.

>

Aubrey

This is the first time I have seen rain here.

>

Chris

So you are from another planet –

>

Aubrey pauses to stare at the blue sky. It’s a beautiful sunny day.

>

Aubrey

It’s beautiful. I love it.

>

Chris

You travelled across the universe to find Tom because you know he has the best generic combo to produce perfect babies with you –

>

Aubrey

Yes. Chris you have been freaking out for the past 20 minutes. I think you should stop. And will you stop being such a va-jay-jay? That old man, you see him? Yea him – he finds your outburst particularly amusing.

>

Aubrey points, as if on cue, the old man smiles at Chris.

>

Chris

Alright…that’s ‘particularly’ disturbing. And no one really uses va-jay-jay to refer to, huh, a cowardly man. I think you meant ‘pussy’ or ‘sissy’ there. And going on internet forums is not going to invigorate your ‘human-ness’ just as much as going to –

>

They start walking.

>

Aubrey

Damn it va-jay! Shut up for a second!

>

Chris

You sound like a forever alone forty year old man, that’s all I am saying. And although I am a very accepting person, letting you call me ‘va-jay’ sets a bad precedent that screams “I am a doormat” so I would like to politely ask you –

>

Aubrey

I see Chrissie I see. I get it.

>

Chris

 Did you just say Chrissie?

>

Aubrey

(Points)

No Chris. Why would I call you that?

>

They stop at an intersection. Clouds gather. It is raining harder.

>

Aubrey

Anyway Chris – see? We are almost there.

>

Chris

I hear Chrissie but I am not going to argue. Where are we?

>

Aubrey

We have been watching you humans for a while now even before we have learned of Tom. We learned the way you speak and we learned your culture. Streaming movies from Earth has been growing form of entertainment for us. And the best of all, it’s free. FYI, E.T. sucked – wait, here, take my jacket, who knows what kind of diseases you humans catch just by being wet.

>

Aubrey shoves her jacket into Chris’s arms. Chris, although his face seems unwilling, accepts.

>

Aubrey

So anyway, anyway, where was I?

>

Chris

(Wears Aubrey’s pink jacket)

You were saying how much you hated E.T.

>

 Aubrey

(Brushes her wet hair aside)

Oh right, E.T. was awful. But, Star Wars wasn’t. Yoda became somewhat of a cult figure back on our planet. We are crazy about him. Anyway, here’s my car, hop on.

>

Aubrey opens the door of her yellow mini cooper for Chris.

>

Chris

Where are we heading?

>

Aubrey

Hollywood Boulevard.

Cut to scene #13

Like This!

Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine

Scene #11 – That Famous Scene

January 7, 2012

 

INT – Studio – Night

>

“Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers plays in the background.

>

Aubrey is crafting a clay pot on a pottery wheel. We see Tom leaning on the doorjamb by the entrance. He watches for a while and walks over to Aubrey.

>

Tom

Hey, what are you doing?

>

Aubrey

I felt inspired.

>

Tom

So…what are you doing?

>

Aubrey

I am throwing a pot, obviously.

(A beat.)

Would you like to help me?

>

Tom

Sure, how?

>

Tom sits next to Aubrey. He stretches his hand hesitantly to touch the pot. His fingers hits the spinning pot at an awkward angle. The deformed pot spins out of control and collapses.

>

Tom

Aw, shit. My bad. Sorry.

>

Aubrey

It’s okay.

>

Tom

Well, I guess I shouldn’t be bothering you. I will just watch.

>

Aubrey

Wait, this isn’t supposed to end like this?

>

Tom

(Confused)

Like what?

>

Aubrey

Let me venture to guess – have you seen the movie “Ghost”?

>

Tom

(Interested)

No. What is it about?

>

Aubrey

Never mind. I think you should go wash your hands.

>

Cut to scene #12

Like This!

Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine

Scene #10 – Weird and weirder

January 4, 2012

INT – Café.

 

Chris

You! You are that luxurious-dark-haired-multilingual-girl!

(A beat).

Sweet and sour sauce! You are here…? What? Why?

>

Aubrey

I assumed that we have met each other before?

>

Chris

(Bewildered)

Yes, we have, what? You don’t remember?

>

Aubrey

Look here, your friend Tom has been kidnapped and we need to rescue him.

>

Chris

What?

>

Aubrey

Yes you heard right. My…subordinates, is it how you say it? Yes, my subordinates have kidnapped him.

>

Aubrey has a slight accent that Chris can’t put a finger on. It is obvious that she’s still grasping the language.

>

Chris

 What?

>

Aubrey

I know, I know. You are probably thinking why don’t I just tell my subordinates to let him go right? Well it’s not that easy, you see, I ran away. They are looking for me.

>

Chris

(Blank stare)

Ah…I see.

>

Aubrey

I am sorry. I can’t do it alone and I need your help. I am sorry that you had to get involved in this.

>

Chris

(Blank stare)

Ah…I see.

>

Aubrey

Please don’t stop asking questions. You are saying “I see, I see” to move along this conversation aren’t you? I am sorry if that’s a lot of information to take in.

>

Chris

No, no I totally understand! This is like the scene in a bad movie where I realize some great truth right? Like how this reality is not really real, and you are the messenger that tells me what’s going on in this strange strange world right?

So you are probably a princess in some far away land who happens to fall into a prohibited love with an ordinary boy, which in this case is Tom. So you decided to run away and be with him. Your people don’t want this to happen so they took Tom away.

I am the Robin to your Batman and we need to find Tom your people kidnapped so you and Tom can run off merrily ever after, am I right or am I right?

>

Aubrey

What a ridiculous theory.

>

Chris

(Disappointed)

Aw man.

>

Aubrey

You are not entirely wrong. I am a princess. I did run away. But not for Tom. I ran away because my people want Tom and I to…mate.

>

Chris

Alright this is getting kind of very weird.

Cut to Scene #11

Like This!

Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine

Scene #9 – Reward If Found!

December 3, 2011

Reward-if-found

INT – Café.


CHRIS (Narration)

When I got up, Tom was gone.

Chris gets up in front of the police station. He looks around, not fully aware of his surroundings.

CHRIS (Narration)

Actually to be accurate, he was kidnapped. Or he left willingly. Or he might have found his life’s calling and went off to some foreign country to volunteer without telling any of his family or his friends.

(A beat.)

CHRIS (Narration)

Ok, wherever he is and whatever he is doing, he could not and cannot be found.

We see Chris put up a “LOST! Reward If Found!” poster. Camera turns to reveal a black and white picture of Tom.

CHRIS (Narration)

Perhaps the greatest lead, or the existence of this lead actually means that there would be no other leads is that Tom left without a trace.  No one saw him or at least no one remember seeing him. The strangest thing is that while I clearly remembering being taken into the station with Tom, the police didn’t remember bringing Tom in with me.

We see footage of Chris sleeping in a cell. Footage is black and white, and shot from the ceiling.  This is probably security CCTV footage from the police station. The footage is very grainy and is distorted by a large amount of picture noise. No trace of Tom here, or if Tom is in the picture, the picture is so distorted that no one can make out if he was actually there.

CHRIS (Narration)

Whoever did it had the resources to distort the footage. Or the footage was that bad to begin with. Anyway, trusting my memory and relying on my logic, whoever did it can distort the memories of the police during that very same night as well.

Chris sits down in a café. He puts his head into his hands, rather dramatically.

CHRIS (Narration)

I searched my head for what happened yesterday. We meet Aubrey. And Aubrey, the luxurious-dark-haired-language-machine, proposed to Tom. She asked to marry Tom and left. Tom said something about if Aubrey and him are meant to be, then they would bump into each other no matter what. So we started randomly walking around places.

 We see Tom and Chris trespassing properties, jay walking across roads, walking into schools, sitting in lectures, entering into homes, entering clubs, drinking a bottle a bottle of vodka in a McDonald’s washroom…

CHRIS (Narration)

I guess we shouldn’t be drinking in a women’s toilet. And then we were brought into the station. And then the police’s memories were distorted – wait a second!

Chris pulls at his hair.

CHRIS (Narration)

Wait a second! If Tom’s kidnapper can distort or even erase memories…wouldn’t they want to distort or erase my memory too?  So the police’s memory might have been accurate and my memory inaccurate. Or my memory accurate and the police’s memory accurate. Or police’s memory inaccurate and my memory inaccurate. Or –

We see a hand tap on Chris’s shoulders.

CHRIS

(Screams)

Or my memory is accurate and the police’s memory inaccurate!!

The entire café turns to look at Chris.

CHRIS

Sorry, just blurted my internal dialogue, sorry folks. Nothing to see. Carry on with your coffee. Or your latte. Or your – right, you get the idea.

Chris sits down.

Aubrey

Hey, Chris.

Aubrey is sitting across Chris. Chris gasps, rather dramatically.

Cut to Scene #10.

Like This!

Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine