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Scene #15 – Exercising Fat and Fat Exercises

May 20, 2012

 

INT – Aubrey is on the wheel. Car slows. She pulls up next to a curb and throws a pair of binoculars to Chris.

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Aubrey

If my sources are not wrong, they should be in this building.

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Chris

So how are we going at it?

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Aubrey

Let’s scout the premise.

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Chris

Ok, lets go.

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Chris motions to open the car door. Aubrey interjects, reaching over to hold him back.

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Aubrey

Don’t move so fast. Eyes. We will use our eyes to pick up any salient information before we go through with our next course of action.

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Chris

Uh, ok. Well it’s a brown building.

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Aubrey

Ok. We are going to be looking at structural weaknesses. Windows, balconies, doors, areas where human atheistic overrule form or lack thereof.

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Chris

Got it. Well let’s see windows, there is one,

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Chris looks over to Aubrey for confirmation.

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Aubrey

Good, that’s a structural weakness. Easier than concrete to break in, and when the sun bears true south the temperature will make opening windows a tempting option. Keeping counting. Go on.

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Chris

Two

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Chris looks over to Aubrey for confirmation.

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Aubrey

Please.

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Chris

(Confident)

Four, six, eight windows on the top row. And there are one, two…four rows, so we have thirty-six windows on one side.

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Aubrey

Wait what? Four multiplied by eight is thirty-two.

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Chris

Oh, right. Sorry.

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Aubrey

Really? Four times eight?

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Chris

Oh…you are totally right. You are like a calculator.

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Aubrey

(Throws a  “Are You Kidding Me” look)

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Chris

…right,  what I have been going through the past few days has been traumatizing. I am not good at math, I am an arts major.

I have –

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Aubrey

Anyway, there are thirty-two windows plus a door in front of us and that door is presumably, the entrance to the building.

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Chris

Right, do you want us to charge in and go like all like Rambo on them with your plasma shotguns and blast the shit out of them?

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Aubrey

No. We are going to limit physical confrontation. My subordinates in that building? They are laborers. They are the laborers in my society. They are physically built for throwing, lifting, shoving, thrusting…things and other general labor work. I wouldn’t want to pick a fight with them. And if there is anything that they are good at, it is collecting, hoarding, and in case of defeat, tapping the bladders to discharge acid to spoil the collected goods as a necessary means to not benefit the enemy.

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Chris

Uh, are you saying that they are going to piss on Tom if we beat them?

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Aubrey

If it comforts you just a little, it’s involuntary.

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Chris

No that didn’t help.

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Aubrey

Anyway Chris, it’s impossible to best them in a strength competition. In fact I am not sure we are going to do that to anybody with your very delicious looking very squeezable juicy meat popsicle arms anyways.

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Chris

Well I am not sorry I don’t fit the bill for as a perfect specimen. And I am sorry cheeseburgers contains too many calories for you to process.

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Aubrey

Our cell metabolism is one quarter of humans. I follow a strict dietary routine to keep my body functioning optimally. And you know what is one of the galaxy’s greatest fascinations with humans? Human have a self-destructive streak, I mean, you ate eight cheeseburgers on our eight-hour ride here.

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Chris

I told you I was storing food…in my stomach just in case we might have to go without food. You said so.

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Aubrey

I just said it might be a good idea to eat up just in case the next road stop might be really far away.

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Chris

Geez, well you could be more clear.

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Aubrey

Ok, lets take a walk. Burn some calories. Good for both of us.

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Chris

(Obnoxious eye roll)

Fine.

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Cut to Scene #16

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